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Just Promise Me We'll Be Alright

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Ghosts That We Knew by Mumford & Sons on Grooveshark

Sometimes I wonder what type of mother I'll be. And then I get worried.

"Normal fear protects us; abnormal fear paralyzes us. Normal fear motivates us to improve our individual and collective welfare; abnormal fear constantly poisons and distorts our inner lives. Our problem is not to be rid of fear, but rather to harness and master it." --Martin Luther King, Jr.

I'm afraid of a lot of things. I feel the need to understand all the time. I can't go on the metro in DC. When something terrible happens, like the movie theater shooting in Colorado or the mall shooting in Portland or this most recent school shooting in Connecticut, I start changing my habits. We can rent that movie. I can buy those shoes online. I could totally just home-school my kids!

But then I would have a family who pretty much never leaves the house. Sometimes, as scary as it may be to admit it, I understand how people can develop agoraphobia. I love this world and everything it has to offer, and I love being in it, but some days it just feels easier to stay home.

If I feel anxious, scared, or sad about life then I at least want to learn something from it. But sometimes that lesson doesn't show up. And when twenty children go to school one morning and don't come home, the moral of the story--if it's even on its way-- feels very far from us.

My heart is broken for everyone who has been affected by the violence this year--for everyone whose holidays will be different and sad this month. There is never a good or easy time to lose someone that you love. I am so, so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are constantly with you all.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18


  1. Oh, how true your words about fear are! What a great quote by King too. I don't think I've ever read that one.

    It's definitely going to be a different kind of Christmas for so many people...I do hope that we all learn something good from all of this...Hard as it may be, it shows just how much we all need Jesus to save us.

  2. I worry about all these things too. I know you have to live life and not sit around scared but the thought of losing a child I don't even have is paralyzing. I don't know how anyone can go on after that.

  3. Gosh do I know how exactly how you feel.

    I have already been planning to homeschool my kids since I was young ... but yesterday I looked hard at my reasons. I don't want to live in fear, or raise my children to live in fear and over-sheltered hermitness. But I do want to do my utmost to keep them physically safe.

    Its a tightrope.

  4. So so so true. This life is meant for living FULLY, and with the hope of better things to come. xoxo

  5. Hey Megan,
    As a child I was often afraid of dying or of people I know dying. I remember my mom telling me that even though people die and awful things happen, we have no idea when that will be and we have no control over how that will happen. Its so much better to live our lives enjoying the time we have rather than living in fear of what we'll lose. I often remind myself of that when that paralyzing feeling starts to creep in. It sounds like you get that, but I thought I would share.

    1. Thanks, Katie. I do get it but it's always nice to hear from someone else.

  6. Oh, friend. You put words to my exact thoughts day in and day out. I one hundred and ten percent understand what you're saying. It didn't get worse or better when I had Simon, but having him did for some reason give me a clearer view of what's healthy fear and what's obsessive. I could feel the difference, and that's helped me to know when to pray for God to take away the anxiety and leave, instead, a wise kind of fear or concern instead. Thank you for sharing. I'm so glad I'm not the only one!!


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