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On Weekends Alone

Friday, May 3, 2013

There is a distinct feeling of weekend mornings, especially those in spring.

They are cool and wet, sometimes rainy, mostly smelling of sunscreen, and if you've ever spent a year or two living with a man who is now halfway across the country from you, then they can be lonely.

Spring comes back to me every year, carrying memories tied to scents and songs that remind me of some life I used to have. The most recent life that has been visiting me lately is the one last year where I hardly made enough money to pay my rent each month and daydreamed about a job with a desk and no beverage cooler to organize; one that wouldn't chip my nail polish every time I reached into the sink to get an espresso cup.

Two years ago (which is amazing to say, because that Christmas does not feel two years ago yet), I got a beautiful watch for Christmas, and I put it in its little box on my dresser and waited for the day that I could wear it to a job where I was neither a barista nor a graduate student, and could wear a watch that was not waterproof or a pretty shirt without fear of spilling something onto myself.

It's almost been a year since I moved back home, I thought yesterday as I drove away from the office that allows me to dress up and wear my watch without fear, the one that challenges me in a new way every day. A year ago, Rob and I were packing up the apartment we shared together in Charlottesville. We were going out for brunch and taking walks around our neighborhood together.

When I think about the distance to Minnesota, or even just to DC, I am amazed and sometimes appalled that at one time, I had Rob in the same city, living at the same address, eating dinner at the same table, falling asleep and waking up in the same bed as me, every day. I don't know if we realized, at the time, just how good it was. We definitely didn't realize, at the time, just how far away from each other we'd end up a year later.

Things then might have been simple and easy and full of love, but they weren't nearly as promising as the things we have now because of our sacrifices. Now things are complicated and hard, but still full of love, which is the thing that I am quickly realizing matters the most.

There is always something about this specific place in time, now, that is so difficult to grab onto with anything but impatience.

Here's to patience.


  1. Love spring weekends too! And jobs that make sense and call for dressing up and pretty nails....Thanks for looking back with us. We'll just have to work on the patience thing together!

  2. "Now things are complicated, but still full of love, which is the thing that I am realizing matters the most". That is such a beautiful sentence, and so incredibly true. I've only hung out with you for two hours, over mimosas, and I met Rob in passing, but I love you two together. Patience really sucks and long-distance is worse, but it'll be so worth it in the end! (for now, listen to those old spring songs and pout all you want :)

  3. Sorry if this is overstepping, but I'm kind of new to this blog (a few months). Why didn't you go with Rob?

    1. You aren't overstepping! We both started our current jobs in the summer and it just wasn't the right time for me to move to DC with him, and when he got transferred to Minnesota we decided to just do the long-distance thing for as long as we need to.

  4. This is beautiful Megan. It brings me back. I remember lonely weekends, and I remember weekends where I was truly excited for whatever event my friends and I were doing but then there would also be a touch of sadness and frustration that Ben couldn't experience it too.

    Sacrifice can be so hard. I knew when I married my husband that I was most likely giving up the chance to move back to my home state and live around my family and friends b/c of his(at the time future) job--forestry professor at a research I institution. Those just don't exist everywhere you want them to. It was hard. It can still be hard. But I would make that decision again without even a second thought. I hope your weekend is lovely regardless and that patience is around in abundance!

  5. This is lovely. I hope you can find some peace soon and that things begin to look up.


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