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What Have You Carried?

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

I poured iced coffee into a jar yesterday afternoon and thought about Virginia.

It was 40 degrees and sunny outside, and my apartment was clean and I had fresh tulips sitting on the table, still waiting to fully bloom. I love living in Minneapolis, I really do. There's something about the city and the people and the food that makes me feel extremely understood.

But I don't have anyone to run with here, no one to drop by for tea on a random afternoon. These past six and a half months with Rob have truly felt like a blessing--like a chance to make up for the time we might have lost over the year that we were so far from one another--but there are days where I think we both would love to just have one or two of our best friends around for drinks or a laid-back weekend brunch.

I know that at some point, I will have to stop fantasizing about the time I spent as a student, because there is never going to be another time where all of my friends can drop what they're doing to just hang out. Shawna and I won't always just have an hour or two in the middle of the afternoon to meet for coffee, or decide to drink a pitcher of mimosas on a porch, or go on a quick run down our favorite trail in Charlottesville. There isn't a realistic new version of the story where Tina and her sister and I go to lunch and then spend the rest of the afternoon all cuddled up together in my bed, watching some episode of Grey's Anatomy.

But these are my favorite memories--the ones where I meet my mom for lunch every day and hang out with my dad on the lake every weekend; where almost all of the people I love are just an arm's reach away. I carry them with me everywhere I go, to every place I'll ever call home. And maybe one day, I can return to that world for good and put them down on a mantle somewhere, where they will be safe and I can start to make new ones.

Minneapolis might understand me, but Virginia knows me.

This post is in response to the following prompt: "What's been on your mind? What have you carried and gnawed over?" (From Old Friend from Far Away, page 154.) If you've written a response of your own, please share it below in the comments! 

P.S. Visit this post for next week's prompt.


  1. I miss my uni days a lot - living with a group of friends who are always around for a coffee or a quick trip to the shops between lectures, whose door you can knock on at midnight and you know they will be up for a chat. They are such special memories!!

  2. Love this Megan. It truly brings to reality how difficult it can be to move away, so far away. I was desperate to get away from my home town and start over. I suppose we all have different reasons for moving away or on. But it's still so hard. I've found that even in four years, I haven't developed the same friendships I had from before. Sadly many of my friends have moved away too, so it's even hardest to reconvene. Thanks for putting yourself out there and recognizing that moving, even to the one we love, isn't always rosy!

  3. This is such a beautiful post and something I can truly relate to as a post-grad. I never realized how much I took for granted hanging out with my best friends literally every day until I didn't. It's really the small things I miss the most like sitting around and watching reality tv or brunch every weekend - I feel like you really hit on that here. Feeling so nostalgic on this rainy morning now, but in a good way!

  4. I love this idea. And I love this post. I love coming here and knowing I will find something beautifully written.

    I am in a similar situation. I packed up and left college and I feel like I left my life there. It's been years and I still feel like I'm holding on to that part of me. I miss all my friends. I never realized how hard it was to make friends as an adult. Especially as someone who is extremely introverted and awkward!

  5. The direction you took with this prompt is perfect! It helped me realize that the days that I've been wishing back are probably only ever going to be memories. You are right! There are times in life that we really can't recreate. :)

    My post went live Monday but here's the link for it:

  6. Okay, time to come home to your mom!

  7. honestly, I think all of this is part of the reason I'm so insistent on living in DC (rather than, say, New York or Boston or Chicago). I can't quite get back having been a child here, but when I come to my parents house and we read newspapers over bagels together on Saturday morning it's almost like recapturing something.

  8. I love this post and these prompts. I feel the exact same way about my college experience. The town, the people, the memories I wish I could relive.. My response was sort of college-centered as well: http://www.onetonothin.com/2014/02/what-have-you-carried-and-gnawed-over.html Thanks for inspiring us all to write it down. xo


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