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Pulled Between Two Places

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

There's a place that exists between fear and assurance, and I tend to dwell there. I want to be confident and enthusiastic about life and all of its possibilities, and most of the time I am. But sometimes I feel overwhelmed.

I panic about being far from my family and our friends. I miss my mom and my dad and my brother; and I am starting to yearn for warmer weather and a neighborhood full of friends. I want to be adventurous and free-spirited and easygoing, but often I am cautious and moody. We're nearing the time in Rob's career where talks about a new project are taking place. We might stay in Minneapolis, we might not. We might go back to Virginia, but we might not do that either. I would rather be the version of myself that asks, What's next? Let's do it! instead of the one who demands, What's next? I need to know now.

The more controlling side of myself has given way to the braver me plenty of times these past seven months. There have been countless opportunities for growth, and I am so grateful for them. But there's still a side of me that can make herself sick with worry. There's always a chance to let go a little more, and I try to do it every day.

This post is in response to the following prompt: "Often we are pulled between two places...Tell us about them. Give us the pull, the conflict, the desire." (From Old Friend from Far Away, page 204.) You can visit this post for next week's prompt.

Image credit: V.A. Photography


  1. I like the honesty in this post. Your feelings are so real, and I can relate to them frequently. Intelligent people constantly question what they want from their lives. One of my favorite mantras is "I am the boss of me". Meaning, I get to decide every moment of every day what will come next in my life. If I don't like where a decision has taken me, I can just make a new decision and get back on course.

    You're going to be great, Freckles!

    1. Thank you! It's always nice to know I'm not alone. There's nothing better than being the boss of ourselves, don't you think? xx

  2. I feel like I am dealing with this EXACT struggle right now. You're lucky you have your man to go through it with though. Being a free spirited wanderer can sure be lonely sometimes.

  3. I'm amazed at how often, how many people I know, struggle with this pull. Sometimes I feel pressured to pick a "side", but I know me, and the me I know is a little bit of both things, adventurous, yet cautious, too.

    I didn't realize it then, but I kind of wrote about this very topic the other week!

  4. This feels so real and familiar to me. As I grow older I feel that I notice this feeling more and more often. As you move, you have so many past "homes" that the current one never quite feels the same as your childhood one did. It's hard to learn to think of home as a feeling/person rather than a place.

    I tend to be too cautious because I get anxious about new things (new jobs/moves) but I'm making an effort to be more adventurous. I think it'd be great if we could just throw ourselves into adventure, but it makes perfect sense to be a little cautious. Hope everything works out to where you are comfortable. I'm sure you and Rob will make the best decision for you as a couple.

  5. I can totally relate to you and your words. Like, wanting to know now vs let's do it! I'm working on this, daily. Still learning. Still stretching myself to find the best of me.

  6. I know this feeling all too well. I found yoga helped -- it taught me calm down (i.e. it basically cured my road rage and my fear of flying) and it taught me how to take deep breaths when my mind raced with all the "what's next"s. I would have been a mess without it right before we moved to Minneapolis.

    P.S. It looks like the picture in this post is looking at your sidebar picture and this makes me happy.

    P.P.S You should probably stay in Minneapolis...

  7. I lean on the side of caution & I worry and over analyze everything
    I so wish I could be adventurous and free spirited!

  8. I love your point about the question "what's next?" It's something I ask myself all too often and sometimes I spend too much time trying to figure it out instead of making it happen. I've realized that if you let it life will take you where you need to be. :) Good luck with the next step whatever it shall be.

    On another note, beautiful photo. It was nice to meet you at the blogger meet up. I wish I could have stayed longer and chatted, but I'm sure we'll meet again soon.


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