I poured iced coffee into a jar yesterday afternoon and thought about Virginia.

It was 40 degrees and sunny outside, and my apartment was clean and I had fresh tulips sitting on the table, still waiting to fully bloom. I love living in Minneapolis, I really do. There's something about the city and the people and the food that makes me feel extremely understood.

But I don't have anyone to run with here, no one to drop by for tea on a random afternoon. These past six and a half months with Rob have truly felt like a blessing--like a chance to make up for the time we might have lost over the year that we were so far from one another--but there are days where I think we both would love to just have one or two of our best friends around for drinks or a laid-back weekend brunch.

I know that at some point, I will have to stop fantasizing about the time I spent as a student, because there is never going to be another time where all of my friends can drop what they're doing to just hang out. Shawna and I won't always just have an hour or two in the middle of the afternoon to meet for coffee, or decide to drink a pitcher of mimosas on a porch, or go on a quick run down our favorite trail in Charlottesville. There isn't a realistic new version of the story where Tina and her sister and I go to lunch and then spend the rest of the afternoon all cuddled up together in my bed, watching some episode of Grey's Anatomy.

But these are my favorite memories--the ones where I meet my mom for lunch every day and hang out with my dad on the lake every weekend; where almost all of the people I love are just an arm's reach away. I carry them with me everywhere I go, to every place I'll ever call home. And maybe one day, I can return to that world for good and put them down on a mantle somewhere, where they will be safe and I can start to make new ones.

Minneapolis might understand me, but Virginia knows me.


This post is in response to the following prompt: "What's been on your mind? What have you carried and gnawed over?" (From Old Friend from Far Away, page 154.) If you've written a response of your own, please share it below in the comments! 

Sean's four and a half days here have flown by so incredibly fast--I can't believe he's heading back to Virginia this afternoon. I thought I took a bunch of photos, but they're mostly of food, which I guess is to be expected. We also went snowshoeing, explored Minnehaha falls, and watched the Olympics and Parks and Rec like it was going out of style. Rob and Sean are such good friends and it's the most wonderful thing in the world to see.

Spending two weeks away for Thanksgiving was really nice. It's great to be back in Minneapolis, though. I never realized how quickly Rob and I would just fall into life here, or how much it would feel like home in just four months. The snowy city was a wonderful site from my airplane window last night, especially after three and a half hours of delays.

Just popping in to say hi and that I'm still hanging out with my mom until her flight leaves early on Tuesday! My cousin and my aunt are off later this afternoon, but it's been a fun few days of catching up and showing them around. It's been chilly and grey these past few days, but I can't really complain--this is some of my favorite weather, and having familiar faces around has been so nice.

I spent my first week back in Virginia at my parents house in Roanoke. It felt weird to come "home" and call it "vacation," but it somehow managed to feel like both. I spent time with friends, getting drinks, having dinner, and going on coffee dates. I went to the gym and then to the spa with my mom, had a wedding dress fitting, got dresses for my bridesmaids, cuddled with my dog, and read a book. It was great.

On Friday morning, Rob flew in from Minneapolis and I picked him up at the airport. We got coffee and did some grocery shopping for my mom before heading home, then back downtown for lunch with his friend, Ed. A few hours later, Rob's brothers and their friends were arriving, and we went back to my parents' house for beers and hard cider on the back deck. The next day his parents arrived with his oldest brother, his wife, and my sweet nephew-to-be. My best friends Tina and Emma came over, and everyone got acquainted and we had a little engagement party.

It happened in the strangest way--right alongside feeling like I'm more at home here than I have been in the past month. There's one lone box of clothes to be hung up in a corner of our bedroom, and everything else is more or less in its place. All of my books are here. I've cooked countless meals in the kitchen already. Every morning, I wake up beside the man I'm going to marry in less than nine months and he goes to work and every evening he comes home and we have dinner. And yet, I have parents and a brother and a sweet old dog in Virginia, and when I talk about them, they are always "back home."

I'm now trying to accept the fact that it's okay to be happy and sad at the same time--to love it so much here and miss my family and friends and mountains so dearly. Life is rich and complicated, and the shiny vacation feeling of a new place and new furniture and a farmers' market every Saturday might be rubbing off a bit, but real life is just as beautiful.